Thoughts from a bogus…. cat Lacey

I am a cat w/o felt hat.  Do you have a problem with that?  I like to eat and I will repeat it again,  “I love to eat”.   I will also deceive you to eat again and then purr in the corner as I have my quarry too.   I am not afraid of humans but they are afraid of me.   They are afraid because I might rub upon them and claim them as my own.    When you are sleeping I will wake up and run through house and I don’t even know  why.   In fact,   I never know,  unless it is meal time.  And god forbid if you ignore me because I will get in the little box and scratch and scratch until you tell me to stop.

Been there and done that

Been there and done that.  

I am a hero!  I am cat hear me roar…..

I will give you that look and purring walk away.   I am sassy and I know it,   You better not put a bird house near a limb or window,  but Tweetie will be in trouble and I will laugh at your horror.   I am big (8 lbs) and rugged as they come.   I am a snowshoe meaning I am part Siamese,  but I am seldom angry,  a great hunter and I will bring you a bird so you eat healthy.  And I do not do vegan anything.

Lacey1 If it  weren’t for heads I would get lost….

I used to be in the Bluebirds until I realized there were no birds but a bunch of young female humans and they are annoying and stuff.   Now I did join the Girl Scouts because I love the uniform and their cookies rock too.   I also prefer Catsup to spelled that way for some reason but I digress.

And George Carlin is right.   We cats can do anything but because we are adept at reverse engineering.    The Asian people are jealous,  if that tells you anything.   My favorite baseball teams are the Cardinals,  Blue Jays and the Orioles for obvious reasons.   In football I hate the Eagles because they got our running back.   I am not jealous but I am going to give them the Bird Flu.

I am coming out with my Politically Correct Cat Expressions.   I tell you this,   President Obama never chopped down a cherry tree and former President Bush either.   I would love to mace Congress people both parties.   I figure Jackson Galaxy should be president because then we can make dogs second class citizens.   I  mean dogs are lame.   They actually think humans are in control.   Ever see a cat fetch  a newspaper.   If we fetch anything it will have catnip in it and by the way,   Catnip is okay but I prefer Olives and the Pimentos.   I rock and roll to country music and the kind that was cool before country was cool.    It makes dogs howl so it can’t be all bad.

WhAT I  What I dream about,  bird rich environment and claws of aviary destruction…

My owner is a weatherman.   What an ass clown!   He actually thinks his weather should gets windows 8.1.   I do humor him though.   I cuddle up to him to get rid of any fleas and get hair in his beard because you should see him squirm.  Ha.  Humans!   Especially males.   Being a girl cat I have my feline wiles and male cats get twitterpated as I arch my back and my tail fluffy.    I am so bad that I am on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list because I love giving males Cat Scratch Fever but literally and figuratively.

Well I am going to get one of those kitty furniture trees and hang upside down and flaunt my tail for all the studly Tom Cats and to swat my owner when he isn’t looking.    He is  going to think I am deranged because I am and that way when he touches my beautiful fur of my six pack,  he will  be in for a big surprise.   Cats break wind too!

Me and Foghorn mess with the Chicken Hawks and the dogs.   And all that stuff you see about Mice and Dogs getting over on cats.  That is so much  Urban Legend!  Do you realize there are singers with the names Urban and Legend and they coo over that modern junk.   Oh I get it.   Your dog ran away when you got a cat.  hehehe.   Like Bugs I am a stinker and I know it.

By the way,  cat(ch) me at the Cat Improv in the coming weeks.   I am trying to convince my owner to be a dummy and me the ventriloquist and I didn’t even need a dictionary for that.

C4

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