Long, long ago, I had a breath-taking affair, that went quite unrequited. This affair was my secret dalliance, her name was Sarah,I pined for Sarah and occasionally, she would sweetly, smile or hugged me. That was tantamount to, an intimate moment. Accordingly I often fantasized about her. She was friendly, as I said, and I lost my faux virginity, in a blaze of glory.
Then, Eureka, we had a date. I was so passive-aggressive, so shy, but she, in her days of in a one-sided relationship, constantly hurt, waiting for him to call. I had a song to always remind me, of her. “Day after day.” I was, lonely but hopeful. So it was not only me but her as well. I was the better guy, at least, to me.
I know that sounds, crazy, but that is the way it was. So, I started seeing others surrogates for a time. These nice girls were surrogate lovers. I finally found another a girl, in fact, she was more than that, she became my first hard copy girlfriend. She was beautiful with long black hair, cascading down to her lower back. She was an heir to my affections. We cuddled, held hands and went to the Senior Prom. She and I remained constant, but my going into the service, was just too much. It was hard, but life goes on.
My virginity was willfully taken by a young woman, about my age. One evening, I am going home, and I had an epiphany, She wants more than someone to watch T.V. with. I was happy and nervous, at the same time. I was 24, going on 25. She was sitting in my lap, those, ministrations, wooed me. Her eyes holding me prisoner and that was it. My aut0-erotica partly banished. Like Steve Martin, I had my purpose!!! lol,
She upset me, as we were driving back towards the base. She was complaining about something and I yelled at her. She felt guilty and so did I, eventually. When I went back to weather school, she was constantly calling ME and it felt rather good. I was going through, a delayed puberty, with hormones holding me at bay, and it felt like ‘The Stockholm Syndrome.’ Who was I to complain? I remember that she and I, were bowling. I sucked, and she had games of 240 and 260. I bowled a 140 game. Some guy was watching us, and said, “she should go pro”. I said, “she already is.”
I did see Sarah again. She and I went to breakfast and I said to her, “let’s take a trip to Fayetteville, Arkansas”. This was spontaneous and it was cool! We had a great time! Though short-lived, because she had to have surgery. I was on a roll. She told me, “What you need, you have already found.” Meaning her, but my shyness, cost me, something very special. Life goes on.
Up and down, like a pregnant pause, that having more than one context. and for another time. Now, as certain as death and Texas! lol. You feel me? Anyhow, this subtext is beautiful. Back on Earth!
I always wanted to visit my old church, but not at about 11:00 PM… Needless, to say I did!! Of course, the Minister had since passed away. There are a lot of memories in that real estate and more are to come. As I scan across the street, I see the old high school and I start walking slowly. The cool air penetrates my armor as I continue on.
About half-way to the school, I stop! I notice a place where we used to ice skate. Unfortunately for me, I on my back with realizing, any kind of skating is not my bailiwick. Memories of first love was imprinted on my emotions. The Gazebo and the ice rink still there.
Curiously, I notice, that the front entrance is slightly ajar. As I approach, there is a kind of de-Ja Vu. My heart races, as I step inside, a war room of hormones, full of peace and the irrevocable heat of days now irretrievably gone. Now my life gets weirder. A warm breeze now replaces the coldness outside. I notice a locker, with a lock and it is secure. The combination lock has to be least, sixty years old!
As I notice, a combination lock and as I twirl the dial, I hit the jackpot. The lock opens with a click and the locker door comes open. I look below and then above. On the upper shelves are a few books, neatly arranged and I reach for the highest, of them. As I open that book, the card with the names of past owners are faded but the dates still discernable. On the back of the card are a few more names and below, is a kind of message, that I assume is addressed to someone.
I return the book to it’s original place, shut the locker and fasten the lock. As I turn around, the door across the hall is cracked. The old classroom door squeaks open. A few of the original desks are decorated with love notes, etched into the wood. As I look around, I see an empty bed. It is meticulously made, with a white comforter, with tiny red Wolverines.
A paradox now happens. Where it was hot, it is suddenly very hot, with a light cooler breeze that meets my face. I follow the draft to the bed, where I repose and laying there, I fall into a dream, where a smiling face, greets me. All of a sudden, I feel a warm pair of lips on my own. Not sure if this were a dream or the real thing, I see a face. It is much older but has a face I do not recall, but as the light becomes lighter, I recognize an angel, putting a hand over my mouth and whispering. “Where have you been? All of a sudden, the face appears clearer and I mention her name out loud.
Many years had passed, but it was like yesterday. Of faces familiar and in a school I never attended, but it all comes back. A sea of words, replaced by our awestruck faces; we together and say, “how have you been?” She just smiles!