Most times just going to the store can be an event that can only be coped with by getting in and out as fast as possible. You feel like to see the curb you have to look up and you resent people getting too close to you and not being sure about their motives. The hate and revulsion you bear is multifaceted. For example, my writing might be better except I find it hard to be too long in one place. Sleep helps but I am getting older so do I want to waste too many days.
I care for people who are hurting. I have worked at the Shriners and the CCFA and done charity events to benefit others. That stuff is good and I am pretty humble about it, even as I donate to special causes for the alleviation of hardship. Outwardly I am respectful but inwardly very untrusting because my puzzle was shaken so much that I do not know that all the parts are still there. And considering the fact that I might fail I use the excuse of quitting to preserve my margins. I just can’t take another loss.
Some tragedies have been more profound than others, so heartbreaking that I trust precious few. Exploitation of the weak is a mortal transgression especially when I see no sense of guilt but the sociopathic behaviors of people who may be family or friends. You can apologize and I will accept it, now if I can forgive myself.
I just fed my two cats. I have so much fun at the labor of love because they will not or cannot hurt me. I am not perfect but I am no Jack the Ripper, nor do I spit on any man’s grave. When Saddam was hung I felt no joy although he had done enough that his death was the only solution. Barbarity is always barbarity. I just wish that people would apply astringent to all wounds, sort of like MDs.
There are times when the tides of my consternation wash over me and I get confused between the different points in my life. Not knowing where the hand may come and realizing that no one really comes out ahead. So, at this moment I was feeling bad but my kitty insisted on soft food and I realized it was her time and all I could feel (to both of them) was mercy and love. Figuring the rest will work itself out.