Outside the internet cafe sits a man in his sled. He be jammin to music that no one understands. Well, I wish I hadn’t said music, because Lawrence Welk knew how to throw down. Now that was music, In fact, Lawrence Welk inspired such groups as Megadath, Rammstein and Justin Bieber. As a kid those bubbles were more scary than the flying Monkees<- see ramsteen.. in the Wizard of Id.
But as I said, the Lawrence-Meister knew how to party. His stuff is so timeless that I bet in the year 2525, if man is still alive. lol. I am dating myself but what the heck, I am smoking a corn cob pipe playing air guitar to the New Kids on the Block. That Jordan!! He killed me or what that Marky Mark?
And speaking of Rammstein, I was watching one of those fake Cop Shows where a black detective was talking about her six years in (Ram Steen), I was so pissed off, I almost called up Ton Lock to stir up some Funky Cold Medina. It’s Ramstein, like Frankenstein.
I knew there was a point to this rant. Oh yeah, homey in the low rider playing his 8-track too loud. I was thinking of going out there and punching him in his grill but there haven’t been any epoch grills made since I saw them in one of the Chilton’s Manuals back in the 60s.
And don’t laugh at Chilton, I spent hours looking at the pics and the best thing about those old books, was when I couldn’t find Playboy Mags beneath my father’s mattress, I used them as an alternative. Those tail fins got my fired up, man.
I think the best thing about ol Sponge Bob was he had other uses than just quality TV fare. A recent study of Spongy-baby was he could absorb water even the non-potable type. And what is this? Non-potable water can be cannot be drunk (and no I’m not) BUT use the potable type in your toilet. Hey I don’t make this stuff up. Okay I do, but then the jokes wouldn’t be funny (*to me).
Do bears need hunting licenses and when they go to the Bronx Zoo can you feed them too?
Back to Bieber —
I think the only thing I liked about Justin Bieber, was that dap ass fro. He makes Benny Hinn’s combover look real. And speaking of the most feminine man in the world, that boy couldn’t get hired on Queer Azz Folk. Even Beavis and Butthead couldn’t sit through one of his songs. Though one time he got a stiffy. Well Beavis isn’t the sharpest spoon the silverware drawer.
I am just waiting for the day that oil companies have to pay us to take their dope azz gas. Could you imagine that? Full-service gas stations are making a return and you can use tokens from the Gran Prix amusement Parks. No really, I spend up all night thinking this stuff up. Either that or it must be all that Nyquil. I don’t use ZZZZ-Quil because of all the growth hormones they use. I saw that on ‘How It Is Done’.
You ever watch those shows? They are pretty cool. I bet the guys who think that stuff are geniuses or something but I heard that show is being cancelled. As it turns out, the Germans from WWII are all about dead and reverse engineering is not what it used to be.
On a serious not there are some plusses to getting old. I mean you can watch the Golden Girls every day and the episodes are always different.
I guess it’s back to Area 51 for me!! Oh and finally, the guy playing the loud music left!!