Don't_Cry,_Mommy-001

If I Were King-Sexual Violence

Whether the numbers are 40,oo0 or 400,000 the numbers are appalling ar a national  crisis.  If were King,  my task force would have ALL those kits ready to go.    They would ALL  be admissable in country.  Women would preside over rape cases.

We need to find alternatives to the humiliation and terror and possible threats and repercussions and I am a conservative!   This IS a societal imperative, or should be!

In a patriarchal system,  there is… lip-service.   I am not sure if th

Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Prevention Program, Bureau of Health Promotion and Risk Reduction ,Ohio Department of Health 246 North High Street, 8th Floor Columbus, Ohio 43215 (614) 466-2144

Rape Kits and Violence against Women

Many sexual assault patients who come to hospital or other exam sites for a sexual assault examination choose to report to law enforcement. Reporting provides the criminal justice system with the opportunity to offer immediate protection for the victim, collect evidence from all crime scenes, investigate the case, arrest a suspected offender and prosecute if there is sufficient evidence. All patients need to know that even if they are not ready to report at the time of the exam, the best way to preserve their option to report later is to have the exam performed. Additionally, patients need to know law enforcement cannot mandate or request they take a polygraph, voice stress analyzer, or other truth telling test as a precursor to taking a report and conducting a thorough investigation. O.R.C. 2907.10.

 Anonymous Reporting Procedure

Medical personnel and/or hospital support person should inform the adult patient of her/ his right to decide whether or not to speak to law enforcement personnel. If the patient decides not to report the sexual assault, the hospital/facility may simply provide the date and general location of the assault to the law enforcement agency having jurisdiction without giving the patient’s name, address or other identifying information.

I am not advocating to whether a victim should report or not,  but that decision should the choice of the victim,  or if the victim is like 10-11 years old,  a proxy may be necessary.

I have not weened out the procedures for each and every state,  but Statute of Limitations MUST never be the case.

If there is a false report,  the juvenile justice will handle the case,  then move on from there.   There will NO techicalities in place,  that should be off the table.

Here is the conundrum that shows what rape is.  The message sent.

https://wordpress.com/post/stlluna7.wordpress.com/6050

The girl is only 15,  so we all understand what that is.  But also,  she passed out,  and he was debating the issue whether,  he should take advantage of her.

Rape,  Arson, Rape!

The most troubling part is about 1:12.  And these putzes make PSAs,  talking about,  “No means no”!  Hollywood promulgates of a lot of this…

“The Violence Against Women Act protects the lives of tens of thousands of … “We have to promote human solidarity, avoid indifference, and play a part with …

 

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I Hate That I’m Not Alone

Center For Survivors of Rape, Domestic Violence, Abuse, and Assault

You, victim, you know my guilt.  My shame.  My doubt.

You, survivor, know my loss.  The depths of the darkness.  The panic- paranoia.

You both saved me.

The fellow victim understood why I stayed.  Made me feel somewhat normal.  Helped me to rationalize.  Gave me hope.  Not the “right” hope, but still hope.  Without you, I would have ended it.  Alone in an otherwise normal world, I would have let the shame take its logical last step.

The fellow survivor understood why I left.  Made me feel justified.  Helped me to stand firm.  Gave me strength.  Unfounded strength, at times, but still strength.  Without you, I would have stayed.  Abnormal in an otherwise normal world, I would have let my doubt keep me chained.

You both freed me.

Without you, I would have been alone.  Forever wondering what I did wrong, and how to fix it.  You gave me answers…

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Don't_Cry,_Mommy-001

The Rape Hologram

I watched a movie last night about 17-year-old Eun An. (Nam Bo-Ra).   I highly suggest that anyone who can view this 2012 film, (Don’t cry Mommy), please do! It a very heart-breaking story.    This movie is about more than one victim, it’s about a mom and  daughter’s happy life together,  being shattered irreconcilably.   Making matters,  worse,  is the sexism.    It is a narrative about responsibility and how jurisprudence and its own misogyny,   perpetuates the myths and the realities.     In the end, this it is not a blog meant to bash men,  but rather where to start,  in addressing education.

Don't_Cry,_Mommy-001

“Revolution is the negation of the existing, a violent protest against man’s inhumanity to man(mankind) with all the thousand and one slaveries it involves. It is the destroyer of dominant values upon which a complex system of injustice, oppression, and wrong has been built up by ignorance and brutality.”  Emma Goldman.

Yes,  but what are we going to do about it?  Laws are a means to an end.   Votes! What does this do, for victims?  The net  effect resolves nothing and they do not placate the victims which include, the family of those victims!

In this movie,  a mother seeks revenge.  Because the perps are allowed to go free and the main perp,  gets a couple months of probation.   Eun-Ah in the mean time is let down by the system,  let down by a culture of near silence by and the continuous ‘rape culture’.

To make matters worse, the girl was raped by these assholes, a second time.  With her own self-worth utterly destroyed,  she becomes even more disillusioned.    Now let’s put this into perspective,  a girl is raped, twice!   Her mother is outraged and the legal system suggests, to settle!  The mother throws down the money offered to her.  At that point,  the perp’s family accuses her daughter and her mother as being loose.

After a recent blog on RallyPoint,  one guy used the Duke LaCrosse team as an example of how men suffer too?  WTF?  Let’s break that down also.  I am sure the legal system let them down.   No!  We are not going to go there.  Compared to the millions of girls and women are who are sexually brutalised, an anecdotal inference to that,  is so sexist,  that is no wonder that this issue, propagates into a miasma of legalise.

“I do not think I ever opened a book in my life which had not something to say upon woman’s inconstancy. Songs and proverbs, all talk of woman’s fickleness. But perhaps you will say, these were all written by men.”  ‘Jane Austen’.

As a solution,  neither more laws with no justice or settling out of court will cause the rapist to abstain or ,the mother’s sadness to be any less sad.

The solutions are many,  but it will take more than rhetoric and blaming the victim or more laws.  It will require consideration of how the woman feels and judges adjudicate cases against perps.  It will require education and one that is not an attack on all ,males but , listening to mothers, girlfriends and wives.

As an aside,  a friend in Germany of mine was raped.   She asked to hear story about keeping the baby.   I told her that my NOT place to tell her what to do.   Her response humbled me  because she told me that I was that I am the first to not suggest,  but listen.  She was crying!

The name of the game  is being supporting.  It is not about me,  but to advocate meaningful change, which includes,  like the movie, remedies and compassion for victims everywhere.

This show made me cry,  and not feel bad about crying!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Misogyny 101. Rape is Rape

RAPE IS RAPE. Calling it a date-rape, suggests that women, asked for it. This kind of rape is done in a different fashion, but is still what it is…RAPE. The suggestion is that she was drugged, meaning she DID NOT consent! She WAS, er RAPED.

If these RAPES were reported, then another battle happens. The rape kit, the police interview and last but not least, she is pilloried by defense attorneys and has to face the RAPIST. Not to mention the line-up!

Now, the accused RAPIST doesn’t have to prove anything and chuckles as the girl/woman has her entired life affected. She find it IS impossible to live her life. Every unexpected noise, becomes a panic attack. Some hate men and others are forced to watch the accused, either get an aquittal or see him get releasd on bail.

From discovery to an actual trial (if it gets that far), she is poisoned by possible malfeasence and the RAPEE facing intimidation and her own credibility almost ruined. Guys who think, she is easy! What a burden to bear!

Nasty signs are depicting College Women as fresh meat!

Now, there is the college issue!!! There are thousands of RAPES that ARE NOT reported, for the reasons enumerated above. Even more shocking are these hundreds of RAPES, that are NOT reported! The denials of those RAPES are DENIED by College Schools and Universes.

Why? Largely sports-related. As smarmy as this is, some of the refusals and intimidation are by WOMEN! How freaking apalling!! Of all things!! Throwing a RAPEE under the bus! Women as Misogynists, de facto RAPISTS.

And for what? A serial RAPIST! A football or basketball who is basically worshipped. In their recruiting process, the Blue Chip players, recieve HUNDREDS, if not thousands of letters, asking them to play sports.

And some of serial rapists and some of these recruiters ignore their violent tendencies. And it is NOT just athletics, some COEDS are themselves serial RAPISTS. And the motivation is: the school’s reputation! Some Dad’s apple grows horns and some of them, the apple of other their dad’s eyes are emotionally and physically eviscerated.

There is a great documentary ‘Hunting Grounds’ that does more than I can do, in revealing these shocking revelations. I will let you see something, that will PISS you off, I guarantee it!

One other issue is, I had to unfriend a blogger here, because she thought that men can offer nothing to the debate. Oh well! I have sisters, mothers, aunts, a girlfriend (sometimes) cousins, friends and women at large. Being a victim sexual assault, I have more than a right to opine.

As a sidebar, this movie as a two-star movie. Hell, I wonder why?

With 40,000 rape kits un-analyzed, many women give up.

Afterall, RAPE IS RAPE!

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Jaded and Lonely

Someone’s Slave?

Kathleen entered the room.  A sense of dread is now pervading her thoughts.  Finally,  when M,aster Carl looks at her,  there is no real recognition, just a look of loathing.   Immediately,  she is lost.  Time stalls. Afraid to comment she waits for an answer,  anything remotely resembling clarification.   

He says she needs to go,  that she is a slave with no alternatives,  no expectations,  just a tired look of contempt.   She takes what little she has. Penniless and jaded, she walks the streets, head down from conditioning, a caldera of loneliness.

 

 

Her social deficits and homelessness weigh heavily upon her mind. At a loss, she sees herself as a peripheral player, as a person acclimated to punishment prostituted and jeered at, at sex parties,  as Carl looks at her derisively.   Suddenly she realizes that she is broken to the point where she feels like a dumpster.  Human but only marginally so.   

One alternative and only one,  with no person to talk to.  Bubbles swell in a dead pool, of foolish expectations, convinced her man in black,  is a fraud.   This she floats in a river going nowhere.  Marked with lashes and the taste of cum,  her fate was scripted, from the start.

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love

The old school.

Long,  long ago,  I had a breath-taking affair,  that went quite unrequited.  This affair was my secret dalliance,  her name was Sarah,I pined for Sarah and occasionally,  she would sweetly,  smile or hugged me.  That was tantamount to, an intimate moment.   Accordingly I often fantasized about her.  She was friendly,  as I said,  and I lost my faux virginity, in a blaze of glory.

Then,  Eureka, we had a date.    I was so passive-aggressive, so shy,   but she,   in  her days of in a one-sided relationship, constantly hurt, waiting for him to call.   I had a song to always remind me,  of her.   “Day after day.”  I was, lonely  but hopeful.  So it was not only me  but her as well.   I was the better guy,  at least, to me.

I know that sounds,  crazy, but that is the way it was.  So, I started seeing others surrogates for a time.  These nice girls were surrogate lovers.   I finally found another a girl,  in fact,  she was more than that,   she became my first hard copy girlfriend. She was beautiful with long black hair, cascading down to her lower back.   She was an heir to my affections.  We cuddled,  held hands and went to the Senior Prom.   She and I remained constant, but my going into the service,  was just too much.   It was hard, but life goes on.

My virginity was willfully taken by a young woman,  about my age.  One evening,  I am going home,  and I had an epiphany,   She wants more than someone to watch  T.V. with.  I was happy and nervous, at the same time.   I was 24,  going on 25.  She was sitting in my lap,  those,  ministrations,  wooed me.  Her eyes holding me prisoner and that was it.   My aut0-erotica partly banished.    Like Steve Martin,  I had my purpose!!!   lol,

She upset me,  as we were driving back towards the base. She was complaining about something and I yelled at her. She felt guilty and so did I, eventually.   When I went back to weather school,  she was constantly calling ME and it felt rather good.  I was going through,  a delayed puberty,  with hormones holding  me at bay,  and it felt like ‘The Stockholm Syndrome.’  Who was I to complain?   I remember that she  and I, were bowling.   I sucked,  and she had games of 240 and 260.   I bowled a 140 game.   Some guy was watching us, and said,  “she should go pro”.  I said, “she already is.”

I did see Sarah again.  She and I went to breakfast and I said to her,  “let’s take a trip to Fayetteville, Arkansas”.    This was spontaneous and it was cool!  We had a great time!  Though short-lived,  because she had to have surgery.  I was on a roll.  She told me,  “What you need,  you have already found.”  Meaning her,  but my shyness,  cost me, something very special.   Life goes on.

Up and down, like a pregnant pause, that having more than one context. and for another time.  Now, as certain as death and Texas!  lol.  You feel me?   Anyhow, this subtext is beautiful. Back on Earth!

I always wanted to visit my old church,  but not at about 11:00 PM…  Needless, to say I did!!   Of course, the Minister had since passed away.   There are  a lot of memories in that real estate and more are to come.      As I scan across the street,  I see the old high school and I start walking slowly.   The cool air penetrates my armor as I continue on.

About half-way to the school,   I stop!   I notice a place where we used to ice skate. Unfortunately for me, I on my back with realizing,  any kind of skating is not my bailiwick.   Memories of first love was imprinted on my emotions.  The Gazebo and the ice rink still there.

Curiously,  I notice,  that the front entrance is slightly ajar.  As I approach,  there is a kind of de-Ja Vu.   My heart races, as I step inside, a war room of hormones,  full of peace and the irrevocable heat of days now irretrievably gone.     Now my life gets weirder.  A warm breeze now replaces the coldness outside.  I notice a locker,  with a lock and it is secure.    The combination lock has to be least, sixty years old!

As I notice, a combination lock and  as I twirl the dial, I hit the jackpot. The lock opens with a click and the locker door comes open.  I look below and then above.  On the upper shelves are a few books,  neatly arranged and I reach for the highest, of them.   As I open that book, the card with the names of past owners are faded but the dates still discernable.  On the back of the card are a few more names and below,  is a kind of message,  that I assume is addressed to someone.

I return the book  to it’s original place,  shut the locker and fasten the lock.   As I turn around, the door across the hall is cracked.  The old classroom door squeaks open.  A few of the original desks are decorated with love notes, etched into the wood.  As I look around,  I see an empty bed.  It is meticulously made,  with a white comforter, with tiny red Wolverines.

A paradox now happens.  Where it was hot, it is suddenly  very hot, with a light cooler breeze that meets my face.  I follow the draft to the bed,  where I repose and laying there,  I fall into a dream,  where a smiling face, greets me.  All of a sudden,  I feel a warm pair of lips on my own.  Not sure if this were a dream or the real thing,  I see a face.   It is much older but has a face I do not recall,  but as the light becomes lighter,  I recognize an angel, putting a hand over my mouth and whispering.  “Where have you been?   All of a sudden,   the face appears clearer and I mention her name out loud.

Many years had passed,  but it was like yesterday.  Of faces familiar and in a school I never attended,  but it all comes back.   A sea of words,  replaced by our awestruck faces;  we together and say,  “how have you been?”  She just smiles!