fear

Prozac Nation. Your thoughts! The Long and winding Road.

As I watched the movie Prozac Nation,  Christina Ricci is sitting naked on the bed while her mother comes into the room and opens the window tells her to get going.    Ms. Ricci is going yard.   She is off to Harvard to ply her skills and hone her narratives on life as she experiences life away from mom and dad.     Her home life was idyllic in the sense of having nice clothes and a supportive mother but she did not like people because she assumed they did not like her.

She of course had her drugs,  mainly medication for her behavior but she added X,  LSD,  Marijuana and Alcohol to her mind bending menu.    She had a narcissistic,  womanizing  father who avoided her  during her early teen years and a madly manic’ mom whose insecurities rubbed off on her talented but troubled child.

After the first party her own manic behavior corrupted her friendships and she was openly antagonistic at the worst moments.      She already had an emotional problem and the sense her life was going to be short.   She was also a cutter and obsessive about her writing.

On a personal level her behavior is NOT necessarily outrageous given her medical,  yes medical condition.   Depression and anxiety is not cured by psychotropic drugs because cognitive and awareness therapies can redirect some of the more harmless inclinations.    Those treatment modalities may not cure and so the right medications will help fix some of the neurochemical issues.

When I first started taking Citalopram it was not effective so was switched to the drug Sertraline which did alter my awareness around me.    Initially my family and specifically my brother indicated I was more aggressive.   I may have been but I believe a lot of that was a change and the change was discomfitting.    I resolved that I was becoming more aware of what was eating at me.    My comprehension of my behavior and thoughts became my own.

The sheer terror of public speaking is a theme that caused me a lot of anxiety as a kid and was not helped by the constant threat of violence in the schools.    Corporal Punishment hardly phased the hard-butted strong-willed student but to the good kids,  it became an obsession and fed into my own distrust of 99% of people.

I understand Elizabeth’s (Ricci’s) impulses and her lack of control and the desire to please everyone long enough to find an egress from a social situation.  Hers was self-medicating.   I was fairly skilled in language and was a prolific speller with a great vocabulary.   I read college text books in fourth grade because they were fun.     What I hated was the spotlight.   I really loved sports and always felt like people who were watching were judging me.    By the time I was in my early twenties I went back to the high school and played basketball during recreation at the school  and a childhood nemesis who said,  “Damn you are talented.”    I tell you,  for a moment in the social context that was a homerun.    I did practice and I shot threes with touch.   I prided myself getting lost in a place I felt safe.    Both scared and excited was when I my first bucket in a game.   I remember like it was yesterday.   A high arching shot and nothing but net.   That was an ice breaker of a kind but too much is a bad thing.

still waters

Retreating into my own little Universe I groped for safety without a safety net and the feelings of being judged,  even by family.    My hypercritical thinking makes me a very good weather forecaster but the downside is that skill causes me confusion and alarm.    I have overcome a lot of things educationally but extreme anxiety has rendered me inert in many situations.    I sometimes hate myself,  question my own sanity and perceived stupidity.

The exact origins I am slowly rooting out.   I am reconnecting with friends from my own class of 74 and finding out that the girls thought I was cute and so on.    But this is a slow process and reconciling the pain and anguish is hard.  My cats help and we share a symbiotic connection that I believe benefits us all.

So her behavior is not unusual and her journey through the darkest abyss is a journey that we must take.   The therapy, drugs and finally a modicum of self-acceptance.    We are what our neural pathways allow for.   Mine is a hardwired hyper-awareness.

Thoughts from a bogus…. cat Lacey

I am a cat w/o felt hat.  Do you have a problem with that?  I like to eat and I will repeat it again,  “I love to eat”.   I will also deceive you to eat again and then purr in the corner as I have my quarry too.   I am not afraid of humans but they are afraid of me.   They are afraid because I might rub upon them and claim them as my own.    When you are sleeping I will wake up and run through house and I don’t even know  why.   In fact,   I never know,  unless it is meal time.  And god forbid if you ignore me because I will get in the little box and scratch and scratch until you tell me to stop.

Been there and done that

Been there and done that.  

I am a hero!  I am cat hear me roar…..

I will give you that look and purring walk away.   I am sassy and I know it,   You better not put a bird house near a limb or window,  but Tweetie will be in trouble and I will laugh at your horror.   I am big (8 lbs) and rugged as they come.   I am a snowshoe meaning I am part Siamese,  but I am seldom angry,  a great hunter and I will bring you a bird so you eat healthy.  And I do not do vegan anything.

Lacey1 If it  weren’t for heads I would get lost….

I used to be in the Bluebirds until I realized there were no birds but a bunch of young female humans and they are annoying and stuff.   Now I did join the Girl Scouts because I love the uniform and their cookies rock too.   I also prefer Catsup to spelled that way for some reason but I digress.

And George Carlin is right.   We cats can do anything but because we are adept at reverse engineering.    The Asian people are jealous,  if that tells you anything.   My favorite baseball teams are the Cardinals,  Blue Jays and the Orioles for obvious reasons.   In football I hate the Eagles because they got our running back.   I am not jealous but I am going to give them the Bird Flu.

I am coming out with my Politically Correct Cat Expressions.   I tell you this,   President Obama never chopped down a cherry tree and former President Bush either.   I would love to mace Congress people both parties.   I figure Jackson Galaxy should be president because then we can make dogs second class citizens.   I  mean dogs are lame.   They actually think humans are in control.   Ever see a cat fetch  a newspaper.   If we fetch anything it will have catnip in it and by the way,   Catnip is okay but I prefer Olives and the Pimentos.   I rock and roll to country music and the kind that was cool before country was cool.    It makes dogs howl so it can’t be all bad.

WhAT I  What I dream about,  bird rich environment and claws of aviary destruction…

My owner is a weatherman.   What an ass clown!   He actually thinks his weather should gets windows 8.1.   I do humor him though.   I cuddle up to him to get rid of any fleas and get hair in his beard because you should see him squirm.  Ha.  Humans!   Especially males.   Being a girl cat I have my feline wiles and male cats get twitterpated as I arch my back and my tail fluffy.    I am so bad that I am on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list because I love giving males Cat Scratch Fever but literally and figuratively.

Well I am going to get one of those kitty furniture trees and hang upside down and flaunt my tail for all the studly Tom Cats and to swat my owner when he isn’t looking.    He is  going to think I am deranged because I am and that way when he touches my beautiful fur of my six pack,  he will  be in for a big surprise.   Cats break wind too!

Me and Foghorn mess with the Chicken Hawks and the dogs.   And all that stuff you see about Mice and Dogs getting over on cats.  That is so much  Urban Legend!  Do you realize there are singers with the names Urban and Legend and they coo over that modern junk.   Oh I get it.   Your dog ran away when you got a cat.  hehehe.   Like Bugs I am a stinker and I know it.

By the way,  cat(ch) me at the Cat Improv in the coming weeks.   I am trying to convince my owner to be a dummy and me the ventriloquist and I didn’t even need a dictionary for that.

C4

Real life In The Fast Lane.

Most times just going to the store can be an event that can only be coped with by getting in and out as fast as possible.    You feel like to see the curb you have to look up and you resent people getting too close to you and not being sure about their motives.   The hate and revulsion you bear is multifaceted.  For example,  my writing might be better except I find it hard to be too long in one place.   Sleep helps but I am getting older so do I want to waste too many days.

Knots

I care for people who are hurting.   I have worked at the Shriners and the CCFA and done charity events to benefit others.   That stuff is good and I am pretty humble about it,  even as I donate to special causes for the alleviation of hardship.   Outwardly I am respectful but inwardly very untrusting because my puzzle was shaken so much that I do not know that all the parts are still there.   And considering the fact that I might fail I use the excuse of quitting to preserve my margins.    I just can’t take another loss.

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Some tragedies have been more profound than others,  so heartbreaking that I trust precious few.   Exploitation of the weak is a mortal transgression especially when I see no sense of guilt but the sociopathic behaviors of people who may be family or friends.   You can apologize and I will accept it,  now if I can forgive myself.

I just fed my two cats.   I have so much fun at the labor of love because they will not or cannot hurt me.   I am not perfect but I am no Jack the Ripper,  nor do I spit on any man’s grave.   When Saddam was hung I felt no joy although he had done enough that his death was the only solution.   Barbarity is always barbarity.   I just wish that people would apply astringent to all wounds,  sort of like MDs.

fearIf

There are times when the tides of my consternation wash over me and I get confused between the different points in my life.    Not knowing where the hand may come and realizing that no one really comes out ahead.    So,  at this moment I was feeling bad but my kitty insisted on soft food and I realized it was her time and all I could feel (to both of them) was mercy and love.    Figuring the rest will work itself out.

angelt2

Why the hate? Do we really care? Really?

Multiple people ask the question and it never really gets answered.   And it isn’t the right question anyway.  The right question is,  why are we all out for blood?  It’s like people are fighting the sixties and seventies all over again and everyone expects immediate gratification.   But there is a problem with that.   First,  you get too many issues all at once and you get anarchy.   And what problems take precedence over others?
Does the abortion rights conflagration get too much play while beheadings, so-called ‘honor killings’ not get the outrage that it deserves.

The problem is political positioning.   Expecting that any concession anywhere will ultimately doom that cause in the long run.   The people who say abortion is murder and those who use the topic as a litmus test for civility.    So rather than be civil we commit acts of tyranny in the name of a particular cause?

Can anyone tell me that they believe stopping the abuse of women is less important than a political take?  Both sides of the debate as it were,  are coming chock full of negatives and a language unique to both.  Pro-Life,  Anti-abortion/choice.    Just like just dropping racial slurs is a panacea to change.   That only ratchets up doubt and distrust over the motives of each.

We also have seen the mentality of throwing people under the jail and why some might deserve that,  we never stop to think that by the grace of god or fate,  it might be us.   So we take away food stamps and take away healthcare as a way of coping with the cost of healthcare?   I am not advocating Obamacare.  I am suggesting that we start putting people first when it comes to need.

There is no excuse for a homeless child and even no excuse for a homeless veteran or anyone else.  Are we pretending to care for others or are we cherry-picking our own causes as if the others will just disappear?  When I hear someone talk about their parent’s choices, that still doesn’t feed the child.   It also does not mitigate the hurt and suffering of women around the world.   This too could be solved.  We talk about how it was when we were kids,  but the problem with that is we had our own problems too!

Wheel chair accessible ramps were relatively rare to non-existent.   People with disabilities were expected to pull themselves up with our approving eye and endorsement.   As if that gets them a job and a place to sleep.   Go to any port authority anywhere and you see the same social hubris that becomes a physical blight to the world.    Put a mentally ill person on the street and then comment about crime.   Send them to jail and you still have to house them at cost.  Not only that but we ignore the root of the problem whether it is an aneurysm or some other form of massive head trauma.

And the resultant problems associated with their illness.   Moreover they are mentally ill and are at fault for their mental issues?   See, that is the problem….  denial.   It will go away and trust me that I know about avoidance and carelessness.   So do we mentor people and educate them?   Do we give people with social problems the middle-finger or do we actually sit down and listen to PEOPLE?   Do we get elected to a committee and become detached or do we really advocate for each other?

I saw a movie called  ‘South Central Farm’ and I have attached a link to it so you can see what was going on and why hate and lies surround people who were doing a good thing.

Now seeing some of the shows about the Homeless and then the other night about a police officer who helps the homeless,  knows their mental issues and treats them humanely.   Unfortunately he is retiring and I think the replacement will do well.    But the problem is arrogance and the thought that we are impervious to adversity.

Rush Limbaugh maligned the homeless advocate for overstating the numbers but he was and is wrong and even if they were inflated,  what about those kids on the streets or our veterans?  There is more than enough to feed people and to get them off the streets without arresting them and trust me when I say this,  I am a conservative.     That doesn’t mean we stomp on the graves of criminals and just put them away and let them feed on each other.    I have no problem with getting bad people off the streets but I would wish we get into dysfunctional homes and stop parents from abusing and killing their own kids.   What is preferable, education and saving the kids or having the kids die and jail the parents?

We need to make an environment where people can live peaceably without being gunned down by thugs or police officers.      Police officers should again be peace officers and respectful of the public without that being unilateral and cops expecting you to kiss their butts.   The growing tension and in the world highlights the path we are on.  Do we listen or do we mistreat people who have been in prison,  jail or a mental institution?   Do we find a better way or just imagine all the Billionaires and Millionaires price us right out of our own homes?  That can’t happen?  Look at gentrification.   Look at attempts by homeless to better themselves and why not be the ones who offer hope rather than just talk about it.

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Duke’s championship rings are expectedly big and shiny

Foghorn The IKonoclast:

They deserved it…

Originally posted on For The Win:

You may have heard, Duke won the NCAA men’s basketball tournament on Monday night. It was an exciting game capping off another fantastic college basketball season. To make sure they never forget this momentous occasion, Duke will wear these unmistakably shiny rings wherever they go from now.

OK, perhaps they won’t wear them everywhere. That’s a significant amount of weight to bear. If you did wear a ring of this magnitude for an extended period, you’d have to assume the wearer would develop some severe balance issues, or at the very least, a limp.

Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Congratulations to Duke, and be careful wearing this giant, shiny death trap.

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My Letter to Motel 06. What lights?

Lacey The Cat

Perfect Sleeper

131 Catch Scratch Lane

Just past the Food Dish, NC

April 6, 2015

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Garfield Smarfield

Complaints Officer

Motel 06

666 Corporate Drive

Atlanta, GA 30303

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Dear Garfield Smarfield:

I am a frequent traveler and have been a loyal customer of your hotel for many years because I appreciate your emphasis on leaving the light on. Yet a recent episode at your hotel has made me question my loyalty.  I was out grooving and cutting a rug and when I got back to the room all you had was a black and white TV with KNOBS!

After a long night of partying you would think you would have a TV that worked and that’s not all.   I was at your Sheridan branch, room 109 and I was shocked.   Not only did the TV have only UHF channels and rabbit ears but someone forgot to feed the rabbit!   The litter box was nasty and the bed bugs were having a convention, in MY room!   And it seems that someone or some others had been sleeping in my bed and drinking my unleaded Sanka Brand Coffee.

I am writing to encourage you to improve your customer service. It is extremely distressing for a loyal, frequent partier to experience such poor service.   Dog Mints?

chomp-yip-yap-breath-mints-for-dogs

I enjoy staying at your hotel for a number of reasons. Overall the atmosphere makes me feel as comfortable, as if I were at home in my cat tree teasing the dog. I hate having my positive feelings about your hotel ruined by one visit. I hope this problem will be corrected prior to my next visit. Oh and next time,  leave two breath mints! FOR CATS!

Sincerely,

Lacey